“Mama. Mama. Mommy. Mommy. MOMMY. MOOOOMMMYYYY!!!!!”
“(insert random request, statement, observation or tattle-tale here)”
Now repeat 500 times and you have the life of a mother. Multiply this number by however many children she has.
This is some of that noise I was talking about in my last post. A gazillion times a day I am interrupted. I never realized before I became a stay-at-home mom how most of my day would be spent fielding interruptions of one sort or another. (In fact, while I tried to write these sentences I was interrupted 3 times. I’m trying to write through and not throw up my hands and quit and walk away from this post.) I’d like to say I handle these interruptions with grace. I’d like to say I am patient, flexible and grace-filled in my responses to my children. I’d like to say it but… that would be a bold faced lie.
In fact, right now, I am incredibly frustrated with all I have to do, tried to do, started but not finished… you get the picture. My days get lost in this vortex of interruptions. My body tenses and I want to run and hide. And, of course, this doesn’t help my pain levels in the slightest. I hate living this way.
I compare myself to who I used to be. Uber-efficient. Energetic and fast paced. The queen of multi-tasking. I miss that woman. She seemed so put together.
Current me sucks at multi-tasking. I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t know whether it is children who have killed my brain cells, pain, fatigue, or medication – or all four? All I know is when I try to juggle multiple tasks at once I do not like who I am. I am cranky, hurried, distracted and not really living at all. I am just pinging from one task to the next and people become a nuisance. Let me repeat that – people become a nuisance. Now that’s sad. I mean what is the point of being on this earth if not for relationships? When I multi-task my list becomes the focus and the people get in the way of me accomplishing my goals. Too often those “people” are my children. Ugh. It sickens me to think that I can think my children are a nuisance. But, if you are getting honest, uncensored Stephanie, I have to be real – too many times a day those “Mama! Mama!” ‘s are frustratingly irritating. Wow. Not winning any Mother of the Year Awards here. Something has got to give.
I love my boys. I would die for my boys. I would get shots for my boys (and if you know me, despite all my medical experiences, shots FREAK ME OUT – give me a spinal tap any day. I can’t stand that feeling of fluid being pushed into the muscles…ugh, I think I’m gonna puke.) But I digress… you get the point. I would do anything for my boys. They are my world. So how is it that I let myself get to a state where my world annoys me?
I need to break-up with the love affair I have with my past multi-tasking self. She is no longer good for me and my life. She had her place but now must be on her merry way. If I am going to quiet the noise, breath and be intentional, for goodness sake, I need to do ONE THING AT A TIME. Seems childishly simple but I tried it yesterday. And guess what? I was calm. I had fun. I got the must have’s done. I didn’t manage to keep my zen self all day, but I did see the magic intentional present-ness in whatever task is in front of me can hold.
In celebration of the advent of No More Multi-Taskin’ Mama, I played with my little boy. My boy that knows how to live in the moment and wouldn’t dare to cheapen a moment by multi-tasking. I didn’t play with him with my phone in my hand. I didn’t play with him while trying to do anything else but be with him. And it was awesome.