It’s been pretty serious around here the past few months. I’m done with all this serious nonsense for today. Nothing can make me giggle like the things that come out of the mouths of my little boys. I have a little book where I try to keep track of the humorous things my kiddos have said over the years. I am terrible at making time to finish things like baby books, photo albums or even updating the family photos on the wall, but I have found that I can keep this little book tucked away on a shelf in the kitchen to grab whenever they say something that makes me stop and laugh out loud (or desperately try to keep a straight face while my body shakes uncontrollably with muffled laughter and tears). I read it when I want to sell the hoodlums or duct tape them to the lamp-post and I need to remember how much joy they bring to my days. If you want one yourself, you can find them at Amazon under books “My Quotable Kid: A Parents’ Journal of Unforgettable Quotes“.
Having little boys means that many of my quotes center on potty talk. And, maybe I’m a 10-year-old boy at heart because I find them hysterical (and gross!). For this installment of “He said WHAT?!!!” we will focus on the outrageous things my precious little angels have said during adventures in potty training. I figured keeping in line with previous blog posts and all the bathroom adventures we seem to have in this family that this seemed like the logical place to start. Enjoy! (Warning: DO NOT Read While Eating)
Will and Mikey’s Top Ten Funny Potty Quotes!
10. “Mommy, here are some stickers. These are your reward for cleaning up my poop.” -Mikey, age 3
(Said after I almost killed him for pooping in his big boy underwear for the third time that day!)
9. “My poop looks like a walrus!” -Will, age 4
(Both of my boys feel the need to make their pooping experiences into Rorschach Ink Blot Tests. The psychologist in me resists the urge to interpret such data.)
8. “That poop burned my butt. It was like a building that exploded and wood burning. My poop was the wood.” -Will, age 4
(Poor Will has chronic GI issues and has gotten very creative in expressing how his bowels are functioning. It may be gross – but it’s never dull and he handles it all like a champ!)
7. “I have a big penis, Mommy. That means I’m a big boy.” -Mikey, age 3
(For reasons I still do not understand my boys feel the need to update me on the state of their penis almost daily. Why??!! It’s still a mystery.)
6. “Dr. Barakat, I have a serious problem. I think my penis is too big.” -Will, age 3
(Doctor asked Will if he had any questions or concerns at his 3-year-old Well Child Check-Up. Dr. B now looks forward to what will come out of Will’s mouth at each visit. It’s always unexpected and hilarious!)
5. “My chicken broth is my pee. My noodles are my snake poop.” -Mikey, age 3 1/2
(I’ve never looked at chicken noodle soup the same…)
4. “Oh, look! Poop souffle!” -Will, age 4
(He said this with such surprise and joy as he sat by himself on the toilet when he thought no one was listening.)
3. “Speaking of poop and pee, I need to go potty. Caution – only say potty words on the potty. Here (he hands me toilet paper) you can use this to wipe my bottom. Speaking of bum, that’s a funny word!” -Mikey, age 4
(Speaking of poop…are you grossed out enough yet?)
2. “My poop felt like stalactites.” -Will, age 4
(Look it up.)
1. “I can wipe my own bum now, Mommy. And don’t worry – I will scrub any poo particles off my hands.” -Mikey, age 4
(A monumental day. We celebrated with ice cream. After he scrubbed all those poo particles off his hands.)
Care to add any of your own?? Don’t be shy. We certainly aren’t. 🙂
My three-year-old told me this afternoon that his “pee-pee is looking at him backwards”. I checked his pee-pee; it didn’t look like it was “looking” anywhere!